New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
