Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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