Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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