I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
