I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
