I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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