no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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