I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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