so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
