i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
