I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
