Nicole vs. Life
Screwed.edu
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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