So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
