why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize