Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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