A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
