Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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