did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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