How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
