You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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