Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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