So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
