This girl is more easily done than said...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
