fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
