areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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