Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
