once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
