Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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