i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
