The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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