at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
