he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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