You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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