I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
