Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
