I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
