Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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