I'm gonna have a badass scar
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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