i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
