I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
