me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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