Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
