Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
