i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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