I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How naked do you want me to be?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
