By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
