Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
