I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
