i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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