TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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