Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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