White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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