Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
