She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
