Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
