I feel like abortions should bother me more
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is it penis luge time yet?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They took my balls.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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