I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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