Soap is not a condiment
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
