You're completely useless in the revolution.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I looked at my own cervix.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
