from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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