i just wanna soil my oats bro
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
