So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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