Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
