I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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