More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
