I've blown a few things in my day
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
