Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
