This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
