Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
