You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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