Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
