Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
