he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize