You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
