I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize