You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
