I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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