Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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