We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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