? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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