i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
