I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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