I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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