So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
