And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
