i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
