This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i came on her dog
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
