I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
