So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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