I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
