420 ftw
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she pinky promised me she was 18
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
