shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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