1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
