Cold hands, warm shart.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize