flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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