mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
