Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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