He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
