All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
