apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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