I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
