Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
