4 words: hood of his car
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
